I know no one here can diagnose me, but that’s not what I’m really looking for. I’m looking for some guidance. I’m a 30-year-old female. I’ve dealt with eating disorders since I was 10, and depression/anxiety since I was 14. I also grew up in a very volatile home with an NPD/PTSD father.
Up until I was probably in my mid-20s, though, I only had what were depressive episodes but no periods of mania. Once the episode went away, I felt neutral. Something shifted at 25-26. I started experiencing depressive episodes, but some months I felt “high,” like a bubbling energy. That’s also the time I had an abortion. Not sure if that triggered anything for me. I also went through a breakup.
I had what felt like a month long depressive episode this time; no energy, not talking much, no motivation; eating disorder kicked in. Three days ago, it’s like I suddenly shifted. I need less sleep and feel rested. I did some heavy work outs and I felt great – so great I was still able to go for a jog, visit family, and clean the entire house. I also talk A LOT MORE, and I’m able to eat more without guilt. My thoughts feel all over the place, but this is when I’m best at my job/life/relationship. And there’s a sense of euphoria. Honestly, I love having these states. I have these manic-like episodes less than once a month, though. Not sure how often the mania has to be for it to be bipolar.
I’m already in therapy for “depression,” but what worries me is that there’s more to it. I’m not on any kind of meds, btw.
Any insight is much appreciated.
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