Tldr: 27/woman diagnosed depressed/bipolar before but I think I'm undiagnosed and have been for awhile.
My whole life I've been treated for depression/anxiety and later in my adult life bipolar. But it seems no matter what meds or treatment I do, only my depression and SH urges go away. I havent been able to focus on or pick up a new hobby and stick to it since… ever. I was highly artistic as a kid and now I am surrounded by all kinds of art supplies and creative projects but I have no motivation to do them and finish something. I havent had any kind of motivation or focus for years, since grade school it seems and I'm 27 now. I'm constantly secluding myself unless I have my son. I cant ever focus on any one task and it depresses me even more that I cant so it builds up. Then I find myself cleaning my car out for the first time all year for 3 hours and still not finished because I put it off so long.
Nothing brings me enjoyment anymore because I cant focus and get into it
I have literally no active hobbies because I'm overwhelmed and uninspired
I have trouble keeping up with household chores and always have
I always forget important things or things I need when out shopping or running errands
I am EXTREMELY disorganized and forget where I put stuff all the time
Always have had shitty time management. ALWAYS
I dont see friends now much due to self seclusion from Covid anxiety but I often find myself driving around to nowhere for hours on end to satisfy needing to get out of the house and feeling restless (I'm in Texas so there's plenty to drive around)
I cant ever stick with a career type, so now I'm knowledgeable in a few different areas but been unemployed most of this year; I've considered (when I can go back to work) personal food prep, interior designer, work from home customer service, delivery, everything but following my art passion because of things already said. But I dont really care about any of those other things and wouldn't stick to them except for a paycheck.
And emotionally I'm all over the place, but in general extremely sensitive and I dont handle my stress well at all. I
As previously stated, I've been on about 6 different medication combos for my depression and bipolar. But the above has never changed, it has always been this way since I was younger. My dad would even hesitate to get me a new hobby because I never stuck to anything and to this day I still cant. I feel like I dont have a place living this way but I've tried everything to fix it on my own and nothing helps. Diet and exercise, nootropics, changing meds and treatment, working on myself, ect. I have all this creativity in my head and it's just stuck there. Paired with the year 2020 has been and I'm really starting to lose my sense of identity.
How do I go about getting a doctor to take me seriously about this? Is there a special type of doctor I can see? And does this sound like anyone else? Please and thank you
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