In the evening, when I'm supposed to sleep. I can't. I'm either having a mental breakdown because I had an hour of free time because of school, a mental breakdown because I had an abusive father who only used me to bait money out of my mother and her family, or I'm having another mental breakdown because of a step-father who never says something nice to me, and complains about everything I do 24/7.
Because of my stepfather, home never truly feels like home. School is my home, with friends who accept and respect me. The only one who does at home is my mother, and sometimes my siblings. (The sibling are also a problem. I have 4 of them, so I am never truly alone, I never have 100% privacy.) But school has changed this year, I have so much homework that I can barely rest, and the time that I have to rest, I have to spend with my stepfather. So my one hour of thinking and talking to myself in bed is the only true peace I have. But more than the half of the time this only makes me more depressed, because of the mental breakdowns and cringe worthy thoughts of the past. Some of the thought are how I never had true happiness and a childhood, and some are that my stepfather also never loved me, just like my real dad.
I have no one to talk to about this, (because I live in a small village, everybody I know gossips way too much, so everybody would have dirt on my family) And it is a great burden on my mental health. Please help. Give me advice or words of hope, I don't care, I just need motivation to keep fighting and be a better (and healthier) me.
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