My mental health has made it tremendously difficult for me to find the motivation to eat on a regular basis for a long time now, which has been especially agonizing considering I've been wanting to gain weight for a long while. It's been a really rough week and on bad days I find it way more difficult to convince myself to eat than it already is on regular day. A few days ago I had another redditor point out that I really didn't seem to be eating at all even i'd made a post asking for advice on how to do better and had mentioned what I "eat" on a regular basis. It was really eye-opening, though heartbreaking, to realize just how little I've been nourishing my body. That alone made me want to at least try a bit harder. I hadn't really been aware of the fact that I'd been doing the bare minimum for myself when it came to eating. I'd just never believed that I could actually make any progress in gaining the weight I wanted.
The past few days I've been working on changing my mindset and telling myself that I can make progress even if it is small and even if it is hard to believe. I've been leaning into friends for support when mealtime comes and I'm struggling to motivate myself to eat on my own. It's only been a few days, so of course my eating routine isn't perfect yet, but it's definitely already made improvement. Yesterday a friend told me that the more frequently I eat on a regular basis, the more easy it'll likely become to eat over time. That's something I'm going to try to continue to remind myself on rough eating days.
Tonight I ate half of my dinner and put the leftovers in the fridge to eat later in the night. Typically if I'd put away my food to eat later in the day i'd never return to it. But I want that to be in the past now. I just finished the last of my Wendy's nuggets and fries from dinner, and as simple as it sounds, it was really hard. I was about to forget about my leftovers and settle into bed for the night, but I'd reminded myself that I hadn't been able to get myself to eat breakfast or lunch today, and if nothing else I wanted to at least finish my dinner so I could know I'd at least made some sort of effort today to strive to repair my lack concern for my physical health.
Even if I only ate one meal tonight, I pushed myself to do it despite how difficult it felt and how much I didn't want to. in my eyes that's still a victory, at least for today, and I wanted to celebrate that with others because I'm really proud of myself for it. It might not seem like much, but celebrating feeding myself was my self-care today. We all need to celebrate our small victories. Tomorrow, my goal is a minimum of two meals. Wish me luck!
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