I just felt i needed to write how I'm feeling currently. I don't feel comfortable talking about it with anyone of my friends, but well… maybe it helps. (also, why i used a new account, i don't want them to find out)
I finished university some months ago and moved in with my parents. It was difficult at first, but we manage okish most of the time. They really try to make me feel welcomed, but, after living alone for 7 years, it's not really easy going back. Everything was good for a bit, my girlfriend was over (long distance relationship), it felt like i might land a nice job. well… November hit, I don't even know what changed. I feel, I changed. It's like… I can't stand myself any more. I used to do a lot of sports, but gyms closed, and i can't motivate myself to do anything. I wish in the morning, the day ends fast, I have no motivation for anything, getting up, making lunch, eating…. . Everything feels greyed out, thinks i used to enjoy leave me cold, things i would have been pissed about too.
I mean, was never the most stable person, i guess, but I can't remember ever feeling that bad. There were always bad days/weeks whatever, but this feels different. I'm used to mood swings and whatever, I'm used to having strong emotions but this feeling like absolutely nothing is new, and i don't like it. I'm a person i wouldn't wanna spend time with.
Also, I don't know how to deal with it with my family and my girlfriend. I love her, and we have a really good relationship. We try to be very open and especially honest about what's going on between us (in general), and of course she asks, how i feel, so i usually answer not too well, but also i don't wanna talk about it. I don't want to drag her down, and also don't make her too worried about things, that she has little impact on.
Thank you for reading :).
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