I feel like I achieved something but I didn’t and I still feel like garbage. I’m 15 btw

I had an argument with my dad 3 days ago, which lead to him taking my laptop for one day over a sleep schedule and i got it back, dad gave me advice on my education and my dreams and how to achieve them. I made another post from this subreddit but i accidentally clicked off the post on my iPad and now it’s gone so his is a new one. I feel like garbage. I can’t even do anything in my miserable life and others are doing it like it’s a cake walk. I want to become something, i’ve always wanted to become a gamedev, programmer, artist, and animator, yet i don’t even put the skills and motivation to do it, leading to wasted time and resources. I feel like trash for wasting my time and my parents time, but yet i did something. I watched a Khan academy video on Euclid the father of geometry and i searched the color blue since a quote mentioned blue on the video which also lead me to the color red, but i atleast didn’t go to a YouTube video during the duration of the video playing, i even asked myself if the content on YouTube was advancing towards my education and i told myself to watch a khan academy video. I’ve done so much bad in my life,i recently did something bad on Instagram and the dude forgave me for it, yet i still feel like garbage for doing it. I’ve sinned so much and i feel like the black sheep of my family. I feel like a ugly and stupid person, all of the people at my school are having friends and having good grades and are beautiful and smart. Yet i’m making good grades but I have no friends and I feel ugly as well. I wish i had a friend, someone to talk to, maybe even a group of friends but i don’t and i feel ashamed for it. I hope I honestly die and i should end it, i’ve told myself to end it a few times, but i didn’t. Even through all of the help people have given me, i still haven’t changed. I feel like a useless dude in this world. Even anime characters would be disappointed in me if they saw me. I’m worried about my act/sat scores, i’m scared that i will fail. I won’t even continue my education and others will be ahead of me and i‘ll be behind. Last night after that argument i cried and cried after my dad gave me advice about what to do and how i wasted money and even today he gave me advice on what to do today and starting today and stuff, and i cried last night thinking about those anime characters and how they’d be disappointed they saw me and how i was telling myself that i should end it, also about why i can’t do anything, even asking god why i can’t do anything, yet i still live. I did something bad recently on Instagram which was stalking someone and I made someone else uncomfortable with what I did and they forgave me, now I’m worried that it’ll spread but I want to change myself and not do it again, I feel like going crazy over this stupid thing I did. I’m scared I need help, I’ll get arrested and I’ll be ostracized and I’ll ruin my life and I’m scared please I’m scared I don’t want to do this again. I’m scared. I need people’s help. I need some help on my dreams, maybe even a tutor. Anyway I need help guys, i might not live on this planet anymore. I want to become a game developer, programmer, artist, and animator, been my dreams and i want to improve my grades in school, i need someone who can help me out, on act/sat and my grades in school. No i’m not a choosing beggar, i can’t help myself so i’m asking on here, i’m trash and i will never make it in life. Anyway I have a discord send me messages through dm on reddit and also chat message me on reddit, if you want to help me on my dreams. Anyway bye.

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