I feel like I’m losing what makes me, me.

I dont feel connected or related to my reality. It's like my consciousness is sat on a recliner watching my body and mind go through the motions of my daily life, like you would watch a character on a tv show. Every day I come home, and it's like I drop every aspect of my personality. I binge watch movies and tv shows and listen to hundreds of different albums, but nothing sticks. Nothing stirs an emotional connection. I feel completely disconnected when I'm alone, even though I'm in contact with people whenever I am. Do I have a personality? I can't remember that last time I found something or heard or saw something that made me feel an emotion that I connected with. I feel like my perception is wrapped in a safety blanket and bubble wrap. I'm aware of everything that goes on, have perfect recall and clarity on my words and actions and know what feelings I'm experiencing, but it's like I'm watching it through a window or on a TV. It doesnt seem real. Nothing positive gets through and all I feel is disgust, pity and loss and what I feel like I'm losing. I know I should change, and that I have friends and family who love me and want to see me grow and succeed, but I cant find the motivation to actually take care of myself. I dont know if I want to exist. I'm not suicidal (anymore) but I wake up every day and look at myself and feel like I'm losing grip of what makes me unique with every passing day and I always ask myself if it's worth it. Can anyone explain to me what this is and how to cope with it, because all i want to do is force my friends away and isolate and completely lose myself because I don't see any value in what little emotion or connection I have left to the world

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