I’ve been in a mental health/addiction clinic for 10 weeks. It’s been a emotional rollercoaster.
I was constantly being confronted with my own behaviour which contains self-pitying, constantly blaming other people for my problems, surpressing my feelings, and a low self-image and constantly searching for conformation for my negative thoughts to put me down even more.
I’m 17 and I was living with +/- 60 other people between 13 and 23 years old. No phone, no contact with the outside world (1 visiting moment for your parents where you have to be honest about your pain, after that u can call 2 times a week) only music at fitness and morning gym, for girls; no make up. The differences between peoples problems were big but in every single one of them I found a glance of similaritiy and that makes it easier to start a conversation.
I’ve been vulnerable, I’ve told all my problems and I found motivation again.
There are also activities like every day combined with group sessions and induvidual sessions. I’ve found out that I want to pick up my biggest passion again which is Breakdance. I stopped breakdancing because I didn’t have motivation anymore and I was always punishing myself by saying & believing that I would never be as good as other people. Constantly comparing myself to others out of jealousy, because they have something that I want so badly. But I’m doing it for myself and I need to remind myself that.
I’ve been slacking off at school and I’m also motivated to pick that up again and to restore contact with my mother. I’m also very codependent in relationships, always fighting for others attention. But I know my self worth now and I hope I can stop people from crossing my boundaries.
I found out that my recovery is my responsibility. And by taking responsibility for my actions, I can heal.
I wanted to share this because I’ve seen rock bottom. I know how it is to have constant thoughts about death and how it is to constantly punish yourself by having negative thoughts and I wanted to highlight my experience because I believe it will get better for each of you. And I want to let all of you know that you’re never standing alone, see this subreddit as your own fellowship. I want to help as many people as possible on this subreddit. We are really here for you, we might not be with you in real life but we understand what you’re going through cus we’re all. It gets better, with or without a clinic, as long as you’re open about your problems. And this subreddit is one place to begin with, but also consider telling your friends/parents about your problems.
I’m so proud of each and every one of you. You’re so brave for still being here. Take good care of yourselves.
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