idk what i’m gonna do with my life

long story short i dropped out of highschool (for completely valid reasons, not just bc i didn’t like it) and now i’m feeling stuck. i don’t regret dropping out, i was completely miserable and it was getting bad. i just feel very depressed lately and have no motivation to do anything. i used to be so creative and artistic. now i just do nothing. i wanna get back into art so bad but i cant find inspiration. i feel like i’m always faced with the thought of “what if i had made different choices?” i also find myself comparing myself to my mother and sister. (both very goody goody, smart, hardworking, straight edge.) it further enhances my already negative thoughts about my adhd, my grades in highschool, my laziness, my inability to focus or work, my depression, the burden i feel like. thinking about the possibility of working a shitty 9-5 that i hate for the rest of my life makes me sick to my stomach. i know everythings gonna work itself out but in the meantime i feel like i’m just floating around being completely useless. and please don’t comment being like “only you can make the difference”!! like that’s true but i know that. i’m just so stuck and life’s beating me down and i feel so stagnant. i’m a very spiritual person and i want to dive deeper into that but i find myself too distracted or down:( i just don’t know how to cope anymore. i guess the past two years have just been wicked hard on me. i really want to be better. my days feel so long and i call out of work all the time bc i’m too sad. i feel like i’m literally gonna deliver pizza for the rest of my life. it sucks bc i know i have potential to be more but i don’t. know. how. to. get. there. not trying to have a pity party, i just need some help:/ if u read this whole thing thank u💕

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