My Life Is Falling Apart, It’s Gotten So Extreme My Mom Finally Acknowledge My Diagnosis. I’m Working Towards Going To A Psychiatrist. But I Afraid My Mom Will Have Me Hospitalized Before I Can See A Doctor.

I've had low functioning Anxiety, PTSD, Depression, and Anorexia, for a very long time. I have been diagnosed by multiple professionals (my mom is strongly against me seeing doctors, but I got referred to psychiatrists through school or therapists, and she couldn't step in and not let me go). My mom has refused to acknowledge my diagnosis or allow me to take the medications prescribed to me. She tried to medicate me herself (with over the counter stuff) which has lead to horrific side effects. Though she refuses to acknowledge my diagnose she has held interventions (with a "therapist" who took her side (they were her friend)) for me and attempted to hospitalize me, this was done very horribly and caused me extreme emotional distress. This distress mixed with the side effects with her attempted to medicate me have cause me to become paranoid (to a point where I thought people could read my mind and that everyone was secretly monitoring me). I luckily recovered from this paranoia. My plan was to go see a psychiatrist and begin treatment as soon as I turn 18.

Anyway now to right now. My anxiety has reached its peak, and I've lost the ability to function. For example: I've stopped eating (this has nothing to do with my ED) it's because my depression is so bad that I don't have enough motivation to do something as simple as get up and cook, I also have a loss in appetite so I really have no interest in doing so. I also have no food in my house right now, but I don't feel safe leaving my house out of fear of something happening to me or my pets while i'm gone. I also have a lot of anxiety about paying for food. This is just one of the simple daily self care tasks that I've stopped. I had a job interview (which was the most functional thing I've been able to do), but had such a bad panic attack that I was barely able to get through the interview, and most definitely did badly.

So long story short, I'm close to 18, but currently so low functioning that I am failing to take care of myself.

This is so severe that my mom has become concerned for me, and had to face the reality of things. She realized that delaying this is causing me harm, and after a short chat with me decided to allow me to see a psychiatrist within the week and to begin treatment.

But heres the thing, she gave me some natural anxiety meds that have no side effects. I took all of them (not all at once but in a scarily short amount of time), knowing they have no side effects, because I was having a severe panic attack and know that the recommended dose would do nothing for me, so I took a lot of them.

I was having another panic attack today and my mom decided to get the natural anxiety meds she gave me, and began freaking out seeing that they were gone.

Heres the thing, I acknowledge that I made a dangerous decision, and would bring it up with a psychiatrist. But now I'm afraid she will change her mind about allowing me to see a doctor and get medication because she's worried I will abuse the medication given to me. On top of that I worry she will do what she did last time and hold a badly planned intervention for me.

I accept hospitalization if I get to see a medical professional and they suggest it. I have a month until school starts, and think it would be a good idea for me to spend that time in a hospital if necessary.

This is not me trying to get out of that.

This is me trying to avoid my mom using my lack of agency as a minor to not only force her idea of what is the right treatment for me on me, or to take away my chance of getting any future independence or agency.

Essentially why I'm here is to ask for your advice of how to:

A) get to see a medical professional (either with or without my moms approval and allowance)

B) keep my rights, but still get help

I also am aware of the fact that this post paints my mother in a bad light and seems that someone professional should have gotten involved/be involved or that she should lose her rights to me because of this treatment. But given the fact that I am nearly 18, and none of the things she's done were illegal (the medication she gave me was over the counter, and the doctors prescriptions were merely suggestions (she was also able to wave them away some how by claiming religious reasons (which is BS but legal some how))). I'm looking for a solution that doesn't require any third party (other than obviously a psychiatrist). Again I want to emphasize the fact that everything that happened is legal and therefore there are no actions I can take in that regard, that I am safe and will get medical attention no matter what it's just a question of when and if I will have control over my own treatment.

What is your advice?

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