I have a bunch of major assignments due, and exams are soon. I’m two days late on an essay I couldn’t give two shits about, losing about 10 percent per day late. I’ve only written half and have no motivation to finish it. I poured my heart and soul into the last assignment for that class and got a 51 percent. The prof is one of those professors who mark your assignment into oblivion is it’s not a stanford edu quality document. I’m doing relatively well in all my classes, except this one I think I will fail. This class is about Aristotle but aristotle is a sexist prick. Why did I not drop this class!!!! 🙁
My emotional flashbacks ( i have cptsd) are super bad lately. Seems impossible to get anything done; yet i need to find a new job, I’m short on rent due in a few days, i’m behind this months hydro, I took a small loan out from my school to catch up on heat and hydro and have money for food and that all already went to essentials. I only had about 50 for food, so I stocked up and it should last me a few weeks… but I have to pay the school back by the end of december.
I’m so unhappy with my life. I have no friends, and I have no time for them if I had anyway. It is beyond me people who get straight A’s, party, are in the student union and clubs and manage fine. Perhaps they are neurotypical, but it is beyond me.
My true passion is to go travelling but I have no money. The only way I could travel is on an exchange with my university (easiest, cheapest way) but by the end of this academic year I need at least a B average to be eligible for the exchange. And if I fail that class It’s going to bring me down. I’d have to do super super well next semester. And all this x mas bs; fuck christmas. It's so stressful and I'm spending it alone for the first time ever, away from my toxic family.
I’m so sick of living a mundane life full of obligation and worries. I wish I could manifest abundance, travel, find love in the universe again but I have 0 energy ever. Perhaps my caffeine addiction if flooding my adrenals but I’m in a constant state of hibernation. It’s tiring living thinking everything is a threat.
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