So I’ve suffered from depression in some form or another since I was 10 and started self harming when I was 11 due to bullying at school. Since then I don’t seem to be able to pull myself out of it. I constantly feel like I’m a burden to everyone, I have no confidence at all, I have no self esteem at all either. I used to use work as my motivation and distraction to keep going but eventually my mental health got so bad it resulted in me suddenly developing a form of epilepsy so I haven’t worked in over 3 years.
I dont feel like I have any actual friends and people only have any dealings with me when they want something or when they need someone to talk to but when it comes to me problems everyone always seems busy.
Today was a good example of how bad it has gotten I was having a coffee with a friend along with a couple of their friends and I just felt ignored and excluded even though they were talking to me and I was talking to them. My friend picked up on it as I said I was going home but she basically forced me to stay and talk about what was wrong (she’s incredibly supportive and is pretty empathetic).
I have serious trust issues aswell due to my previous romantic relationship ships being very abusive from manipulation to gaslighting to stealing from me to physical assault. So I really struggle to open up to anybody so I’m venting, I suppose is the best way to put it, here in the hope it helps me feel a little better or someone can offer any advice beyond “don’t be so hard on yourself”.
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