Suicide is my fate (I think that sometimes)

Hi. As said in the title, I regularly think that suicide is my only future, while not really, you know feeling that way. But when this thought comes up, I feel kinda helpless and very sad, like I understand that I should probably go get help, but in the same time I don't have any plans, I am right now safe, and these thoughts don't appear very often, once a few months. But the real reason I don't want to get help and why I even have these thoughts is that I am disappointed in my life and in the world in general. Setting aside disappointment with the whole world, because I can't really do anything about that, I guess the logical thing to do would be starting fixing my life, and accepting that some opportunities have been lost for me, and that I made some mistakes in life, but I don't think I can do that right now. I lack the motivation to start fixing my life because of the whole "welp, I am going to die very soon anyway, so why bother?" thing, and inability to accept the mistakes I made and opportunities I missed – whenever I play/played a game and something I didn't like happened, and I knew it was my fault and I could avoid that, I would just reload an earlier save, but there are no saves in life, but I still feel the same. Some of you might say that I should just accept the world as it is, accept my life as it is, and move on, but it's not that simple. I mean, I could try to just ignore the problem and try to live like that, but it didn't work out the last time I tried that. So my only choice would be to somehow change my worldview regarding, well, the world, and also my position about past mistakes and missed opportunities. Honestly, this seems like such a huge heap of work, that I am not even certain I would get it done by retirement (I'm not even in my 30s btw), and for me, right now, the resulting life seems like it wouldn't even be worth it (but then, I guess, that IS the problem) So, yeah, any advice? Should I even bother seeking help, or would this not be considered some kind of mental problem? Last time I tried going to a mental health professional, they didn't find any problems with me, and I was actively suicidal, feeling anxious and acting with bursts of energy, followed by apathy at the time. So I don't think this would even be considered some kind of problem (at this point I am just seeking validation and attention on this sub, I don't really believe in recovery) Despite all of the above, when I am not thinking about my future at all and spend time with my hobbies and friend, I am actually quite happy and not depressed at all. I was quite depressed when I was at the university however

submitted by /u/Dnarik [link] [comments]

Read more: reddit.com