Venting, need some help.

I can't keep doing this. I am sitting by myself in a dark quiet livingroom.. it happened again, I did it again. I called in sick from work with some wild story.. because I couldn't find the energy or motivation to even get dressed. I am throwing my life away like this and I don't know why. As I have no friends or anyone I can open up to I will use the anonymity of the internet to vent.

It's happening more frequently again, and I've used every wild excuse and lie I can think of. I can't keep going on like this it needs to stop! But I don't know how. It's like some days.. from the second I open my eyes I feel it in my chest, and this voice in my head, my mind starts rolling through every previous excuse I used to get out of work trying to come up with anything. I then proceed to feel like a piece of shit the entire day and be completely unproductive. Usually I sit on the couch for hours just staring at my phone with all lights out eventhough I have a ton of work.

It's coming to a point where I'm afraid I will be called into the office and be questioned about it all. My work is great, I get to stay with my lovely boyfriend (who doesn't know about me calling off work frequently btw) and have the opportunity to pass my final nursing exams in 2 months. So I should be feeling great.. But some days I feel to paralyzed, anxious and unmotivated to do anything at all.

How can I stop this self destructive behaviour before it's too late?

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